THE SOUR PATCH KID
Ever since I started diving into self-care and knowing myself, I started to grow more spiritually. During this time, there has been certain things that I have not want to confront.
Here’s what I mean:
Growing up, I always felt like I was to be seen, not heard. I felt weight on my shoulder to be ‘America’s Sweetheart’. The problem with that was the Preacher’s Daughter was anything but sweet.
I’ve always been like a reverse Sour Patch:
First, she’s sweet, and then, she’s sour.
When pushed to my limits, I had a tongue so sharp that it could peel and chop an onion without hesitation. You can imagine, when I did speak or react, there were many things to be expected. Honestly, although I had an attitude to last several lifetimes, I knew it wouldn’t get me far. I just couldn’t help it.
Fast forward to years later, I’m a grown woman who starts becoming more self-aware. I learn that this slickery (new word, yes) has been coming from a place of hurt.
OK, no problem right?
Sike ya mind!
To heal, you have to understand the root of the wound to make sure that it is destroyed and heals healthily. This means sucking up your pride and ego and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
For those who have never experienced that state, it can be hard to embrace in the beginning, but it can be done.
I learned that my wound stemmed from what I felt I needed during my childhood and what I got. There were plenty people who loved me, but I was so blinded by what I didn’t have that everything else was transparent and not fulfilling.
When I look back, I see how blessed I was. I see how spoiled I was. I see the love that my family had and still have for me. I appreciate and love every single one of them, even if we don’t speak. I forgive myself. I forgive myself for being ruled by a childish mentality, but I understand. I didn’t know much back then, but I am here now, ready to show up for myself and my loved ones like never before.
That was the closure I needed. That chapter and the negative emotions associated with it, just closed, finalized. This is only the case when you believe.
If you need further reason to pursue growth, think about this:
I was always scared to open my mouth and say the wrong thing, but once I opened my heart to healing and purging negativity, I got catapulted into my career. Professionally, I am now able to confidently speak with others to delegate tasks and motivate them.
So although I could still tell someone off without a second thought, that’s not me anymore. I can address professional and personal matters from a place of love. However, to get to where I am, I had to decide that I was ready to change and stop putting hurt into the world.
I hope this encourages you to fight to be different. We can always be better than who we are right now. We can change this world, by starting with the intricate parts of us that we no longer welcome.
Just remember, don’t beat yourself up. The journey won’t be perfect, and it may be tough, but you and your rough edges are more than enough.