Hello Divine One, how has your week been? Hopefully, you’ve been able to be as productive as possible and enjoy all that has come your way. As we dive into this week’s topic, I want you to think of the phrase ‘Victim of Circumstance’. What comes up when you think about it?

Personally, as I believe several of you may agree, what comes to mind is the damsel in distress or the woman who always tries to be that damsel. I think of people who pretend to be weak to benefit from everyone else, or a person who has been given no chance in life, at least for what seems to be a moment. I think of urban movies where people are in the hood and die in the hood. When things are good, they quickly turn bad or they never seem to be going truly good. From my experience, these folks tend to be very negative or manipulative.

What does it mean to be a victim of circumstance?

Being a victim of circumstance can mean something different for every person, but the most common searches on Google agree with the general definition of a person who faces tragic events against their will. One of the top results took me to this question on Quora where everyone’s response was similar in one way or another.

It can be a one-time event or something that happens over time. Yet, most people who go through these experiences might shut down from the rest of the world, live isolated lives, or spend their days surviving, avoiding anything related to fun or having a good time. Check out this article for a little more insight into being a victim of circumstance.

The Facts

Let’s be honest, the phrase itself, victim of circumstance, does not offer any positive connotations. It’s as negative as it sounds and sometimes even worse. It doesn’t take much research to determine that being a victim of circumstance is something that we don’t want to be, so why even talk about it?

Many have found themselves in this role at one time or another and it is not fun. Maybe it was in your childhood, when you became an adult, both, or in between. It could have been the most extreme experience that changed your life or a minor inconvenience that was ignored. Unfortunately, some people have found themselves as a victim more than once. Not to cause any flashbacks, but I bet it was something that you never wanted to experience again, if it hit that deep.

I’ve known many people who have adopted the mentality of being overly cautious because they may not have been a victim of circumstance, but knew someone who was. Personally, it was my life’s mission to be one of those people until the past few years.

The Lessons

I know that it has made me want to rethink everything. What could I have done differently in that time and what did I do to cause it to happen? Outside of the pretenders I mentioned above when most people go through things, they find a way to blame themselves because that’s what they’ve been taught to do, but sometimes, it’s not your fault.

I’m not saying this to support anyone’s theory. So please don’t use this article for your manipulative desires. I’m saying this for those who need to hear it. Those who have been blamed by others, or themselves, for things they had no idea of knowing or could not control. The positives are you are still here, you’re alive, you are strong, and you can change your life to align with what you want it to be.

Let me be the first to say that your fears are valid. I know many hate to admit being afraid, but that’s what they are, and that’s what this is, fear. I have known grown men who look like they could pick up a dually with a pinky be afraid of the smallest things because of what they’ve experienced. Think about horses that go ballistic when they see a small rodent by their feet. Doesn’t seem so crazy when you’re afraid of rodents, does it? If anything, it gives you a reason to say, “If that horse can be afraid of a rat, so can I!” When it seems relatable, it doesn’t seem to be so crazy, but even if no one understands, it’s okay to feel the way you do.

The Message

Call me crazy but I do not believe that the experiences of the past should have any power over who we are in the present moment. Sure, being a victim of circumstance normally comes with a negative connotation and PTSD-like emotions and thoughts, but let’s look at it from a different perspective to move forward. Go through these truths and pick the ones that stand out to you:

1. No, you did not deserve to go through that experience, whether you were right or wrong, but you can learn how to move better.
2. You never have to go through that again.
3. You are not your past.
4. Your past does not define you.
5. You are greater than anything you can ever think of yourself.
6. No matter who spoke down on you, their words do not have any power over you.
7. No matter what tries to hold you back, it can’t. You are much stronger and powerful than you could’ve ever imagined.
8. You may have made a mistake but you know better now.
9. No matter how guilty you feel, lessons were learned and you can move on.
10. Forgive yourself. You did the best you could at that time and now it is time to move forward.
11. You may have been weak at that point, but you are no longer weak.
12. You are strong.
13. You are strong enough to make the change that you want to see.
14. You are strong enough to be the change you want to see.
15. You are better than anything anyone has tried to limit you as.

I think you can see where I am going with this. Whether you were the one going through it or caused it on someone else, you are not defined by the past. Forgive yourself because only by doing so can you move forward and charge ahead with the peace and understanding you need to transform your life.

Some people allow experiences to define them most negatively, but you are not that pedestrian, that relative, that victim. You are who you have always been meant to be and you deserve life in all its fullness. Release the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, and allow yourself to find peace within the reality of who you are and who you want to be, and watch your life transform for the better.

I wish peace and healing upon you. Don’t let the past hold you back from the happiness you have yet to experience. If you struggle to get through it on your own, there are a plethora of resources available to assist with your mental health. Don’t be afraid to reach out and get the help you need. By choosing to do so, you allow the changes and your desires to happen and come into existence to transform your very reality. Make it happen.